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Shoe
February 25th, 2009, 03:51 PM
Something I'm writing in my spare time, new chapters will be added soon, MLV gets to see it first. Excuse the improper use of indenting, can't seem to make that work here.

edit 1: Glad to see everyone (who's anyone) likes it! Chapter 4 came up a bit late due to me being kicked out, oops ^^;;

edit 2: Chapter 5 came out way late... I blame Watchmen.



~Prologue~

“Still hasn’t cracked?”
There was someone tied to a chair, a dim light bulb lit up a small circle around him. Another figure appeared from out of the shadows, his hair was slicked back and an expensive looking set of stunner shades rested on the bridge of his nose.
“Plan B Mos?”
A red haired man with an eyepatch nodded and took a few steps back. The other man slid a glove onto his hand and raised it up to his shoulder.
“What did you do with the chest?”
The boy, dressed in a hideous ninja kitty shirt looked away. A burst of laughter echoed from another corner of the room. “Let him have it Komos!”
He swung his arm across and pimp slapped the boy, over and over and over until Mosley intervened. “This tard’s pissed me off long enough. Bury him.”
The other boy in the corner of the room held out his arm, a thick coating of bones and claws covered it. A purple hazy ray shot out and crept towards the tied-up boy. In a clatter of bones, the boy disappeared and in his place stood a tiny skeleton. Komos snickered as he lit up a cigarette, “That damn pirate, always a problem when we do business with him. Ah well, let’s go Blueblur, gotta bury this pile of bones now”
Mosley sighed and walked away mumbling, "Raining on my pancakes again..."

Chapter 1: Schoolgirl Alchemists reporting for duty!

http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z302/bassman0208/RF/yg11111.jpg

Two girls ran abnormally fast down the blacktop, one had bright purple hair with a couple strands sticking up and the other had a hairband holding down her brown hair.
“This is gonna be my third win in a row Keiko!”
Keiko smiled and sped up, both were arriving at the stairs.
“AHH! Nooo!”
Keiko reached the bottom of the stairs first and laughed as she pointed at Llami, “Beatcha this time sis~”
Llami nudged her on the shoulder as they walked towards their school. Upon entering their classroom, Keiko walked straight into a wall and bounced off as if she were rubber. She stood up in a daze and looked up to see that she had actually crashed into Yoshi. The two girls scrambled into position and saluted him. “Admiral Yoshi! We’re sorr-“
Yoshi held up his hand as a signal for them to stop, “Outside.” The three alchemists stepped out into the hallway. Llami and Keiko looked at Yoshi nervously.
“It’s him again, the scourge of the seas, Halcyote Grognor! He attacked a small village and stole some kind of treasure from them.” Yoshi clenched his fist as he thought of the notorious pirate. “But luckily, one of our scouts was able to gather some good information. Grognor has apparently been working with the underground organization known as MLV.”
With determined looks on their faces, Llami and Keiko continued to listen. Yoshi glanced at them and facepalmed. “You two have no idea what I’m talking about do you?”
“Not the slightest admiral!”
“MLV runs Night City from behind the scenes! They do all sorts of illegal work yet there’s not a thing we can do about it!” Yoshi cleared his throat and continued. “Grognor had sent a package to MLV but it was intercepted by an unknown third party. He managed to contact us and inform us that the package must not fall into the hands of MLV and that he hid it somewhere near the Tauren Temple. Commodore Renz and I agreed that you two should be the ones to find it, are you ready?”
Llami and Keiko winked at each other jumped into a ridiculous looking stance.
“Llami the tricky alchemist!”
“And Keiko the goofball alchemist!”
“Reporting for duty!”
“I told you two not to call yourselves that…”

Chapter 2: A tour guide for the temple!

http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z302/bassman0208/RF/templech3.jpg

Thud! The body of a boy fell to the ground face-first, the fur on his ears stood on end as he tried to lift himself back up.
“You’ve lost this fight my feline friend.” A large muscular man stood over the fallen boy; his boot pressed down on his neck and forced him to stay down. He adjusted his sombrero and looked back to his companion.
“Maybe we shouldn’t have double-teamed him Vaq…” A colorfully clothed woman walked to the boy on the ground and knelt down. She pinched his cat-like ears and giggled. “So are you gonna hold your end of the deal and be our tour guide?”
Vaquerolugo lifted his foot off the boy and backed away. The boy stood up and wiped the dirt off his black and white striped shirt, his clear eyes looked towards the woman. “Like I have a choice… c’mon.” He motioned for the two strangers to follow as he began to traverse the steps up the temple. The woman looked back at her companion, “Ohh Vaquerolugo~ Stop spacing out and let’s go!” She grabbed ahold of his sash and dragged him along. Vaquerolugo chuckled and looked up at their tour guide, “The way you protected your home was quite admirable, so what do we call you?”
“Just Shoe will be fine.”
The girl giggled at the sound of his name. “I’m Sukuna Hikona, but most people call me Monk!”
Shoe, still displeased about the situation, ignored them and continued up the temple with a mischievous toothy smile. After scaling some steps, and some more steps, and more, MOAR STEPZ, they finally arrived at a clearing. Vaquerolugo stared at the architecture of the temple in awe, while Monk stared in disbelief at the size of the temple. Shoe began to laugh quietly, then manically. “What you two fought back there was nothing! This is a soulfighter’s real power!”
Vaquero and Monk prepared their battle stance and watched as Shoe began to morph. His body grew twice as big, claws extended and a dark coat of fur covered him. Completing his transformation to a werewolf, he sent a bloodcurling howl that left Vaquero and Monk almost paralyzed. With blinding speed, Shoe curled into a ball and struck them both. The knockback sent them flying into a dark pit. Vaquero grabbed onto the edge with Monk holding onto his ankles.
“Filthy beast you tricked us!”
Shoe morphed back to his normal self and stood over the edge with his foot resting gently on Vaquero’s hand. “Welcome to Taurus Temple!” He kicked off his hand and the two trespassers fell to the unknown.

Chapter 3: Enter the undead duo!

http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z302/bassman0208/RF/kotch31.jpg

“We’ve walked far enough, let’s bury it here”
Blueblur dropped a sack to the ground, and jumped onto a tombstone. “I don’t see why I was the one who had to carry it…”
“Cuz you my hoe” Komos cracked his neck and stretched his arms. “This damn graveyard always makes it look like midnight…”
He stretched out his arms and they started to glow. Large shiny blue disks formed on his arms, the edges were aligned with sharp spikes. He jumped high into the air and took a “cannonball” dive stance. The disks expanded and covered his entire body as he came crashing down to the ground.
` Blue looked at the shovel in his hands. “ASFDJHKLJKHJA, I never get to do anything!”
Komos had created a rather large crater. Blue picked up the sack, as he walked to the crater something caught his attention. A piece of rubble with a description that read, “Kotsu, former first mate of Captain Gr-“
“Blue hurry up! I wanna get out of here already!”
Blue threw the sack inside. The moment he turned around, a bone flew and hit his head. “Komos you ass!”
Komos climbed out of the crater with a puzzled expression. “What? Fine I’ll cover up the hole.”
“That’s not it! You threw a bone at me!”
“I didn’t do crap, just help me cover this up.”
Blue charged at Komos but stopped dead in his tracks, his face grew pale. “K-kmoms w-what the!” He raised his finger and pointed in Komos’ direction.
“I’m not falling for that you retar-“ He was interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, his face also grew pale as he stared into the eyes of a zombie. The zombie opened his mouth and leaned forward…
“Hey did either of you happen to see my hat?”
Komos and Blue stared at him, dumbfounded.
“No? Maybe a gas mask? Ah there it is!”
The zombie pranced over a few feet from the edge of the crater and picked up a Raiden hat. Komos and Blue slowly backed away and started to run.
“TF DID YOU DO KOMOS??”
“Shut up just run! It’s not our problem!”
Blue tripped and caused Komos to trip over his own body. He’d fallen over a pumpkin which was now rotating to face them. Eyes and a mouth formed and a body began to rise from the ground.
“Y’all niggas look stupid” The pumkin headed body was clothed in raggedy torn olive clothes. He stepped forward and tripped as well…
“Damn I can’t see shit with this thing on.” He sat up and removed the pumpkin, revealing a normal head with a bandana.
“Strider! How long has it been!?” The zombie ran to the pile of bodies with flailing arms.
“Yo Kotsu, did you scare these two fools? Huh?” Strider looked beside him to see the two bodies gone. Komos and Blue were now standing a few yards away, both equipped with exocores.
“We’ll teach you undead freaks not to mess with us!”
Kotsu and Strider looked at each other.
“I’m a bit rusty”
“Does it matter? We’re already dead!” Strider stood up and handed Kotsu his gas mask. “You left this in my grave. Now bring it fools!”


Chapter 4: Graveyard Brawl

http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z302/bassman0208/RF/ch4stri.jpg

Keiko stared up at the entrance to the graveyard; she shuddered at the sight of the large creaky gate and took a deep breath.
“Well we’ve seen worse… a graveyard is nothing! Let’s go Llami!”
Llami was pale as a ghost. She squealed at the sound of a crow’s caw and crouched down behind Keiko.
“Can we please take the normal route? This shortcut isn’t worth getting cursed by Phantomcore…”
Keiko chuckled and pulled Llami up to her feet. “Phantomcore is just a myth! And even if it were a true story, there’s no way he could be alive!” Keiko pushed the gates open and stepped into the graveyard. She looked back at Llami and smiled “lol Llami you’re gonna use that?”
~~~
Kotsu laughed, followed by a cough and a wheeze.
“You’re called Komos right? You’re wake-up game isn’t too good… eh sorry that’s a bit rude!”
Komos stood back up, panting and hurting. “Bastard… if my xero discus didn’t just disappear you’d already be back in your grave” He charged at Kotsu and threw a punch, to his surprise, Kotsu took the hit. He took the opportunity to throw a hook and then a one-two punch.
Kotsu didn’t flinch at all; he grappled Komos and swept his feet, forcing him to the ground. Komos flipped back onto his feet and jumped back. “A zombie who knows Judo… I can’t say this isn’t one of my strangest fights…”
~~~
Strider laughed as he launched a kick that sent Blueblur spiraling to the ground. He called out to seemingly no one. “Hey Phantomcore! Give these guys a chance!”
A long silence fell over the graveyard, the crows seemed to disappear and no cricket could be heard. Blue groaned as he stood up. He looked at his arm as he felt the familiar sensation of a metal blade covering his forearm.
“My metal force re-appeared, don’t be so careless scarecrow!” Blue raised the blade and slammed it to the ground. A trail of spikes from the ground shot up and lifted Strider high into the air.
“Dayum foo I was typin’!”
Blue pulled his blade back and propelled into the air and straight at Strider. He pierced right through his shoulder with an unusually amount of ease. Strider chuckled and grabbed ahold of Blue’s arm with his free hand. He threw a punch a sent Blue crashing into the ground. Blue looked up at Strider in confusion.
“Why aren’t you even in pain!?!”
Strider reached into the hole in his shirt and pulled out a handful of straw.
“I’m a scarecrow foo! And you in Phantomcore’s territory!”
“Llami slow down! You’re gonna trample those people!”
Kotsu and Strider turned to see a suit of armor charging at them with its arms flailing in the air. A scream erupted from inside the suit as slowed down yet still crashed tossed aside the two undead like bowling pins.
“Ahhh! I’m sorry I’m sorry! Are you guys okay?” Llami, inside an iron armor exocore knelt down to pick up the man in the raiden hat. His mask had been knocked off. Llami froze upon looking at his face. With a scream she threw Kotsu into the air and ran back to Keiko.
“I told you there would be undead monsters!!”
Keiko quickly activated her exocore, a flame charger, and looked at Llami with a serious expression. “We have to get out of here as fast as we can. There’s something about this place that’s making the other me excited…”
Llami turned serious and banged her iron knuckles together. “All right then let’s finish this quick!”

Chapter 5 continued in the second thread (http://www.mlvalley.com/forum/general-discussion/1054-untitled-story-ch-5-up.html)

Grognor
February 25th, 2009, 05:23 PM
So poorly written, yet so entertaining.

Oblivion
February 25th, 2009, 07:04 PM
I like your style of writing.
The story looks very interesting and I await the next chapter patiently.

Keiko
February 25th, 2009, 07:26 PM
"Raining on my pancakes again..."

...lol what? o_o; :pan:

Shoe
February 25th, 2009, 11:24 PM
Chapter 1 has been added! Ha ha I realize how poorly written this is, I'm never one to do things professionally though. I also realize that it's a bit of a pain to read, sorry I can't seem to indent the paragraphs :]

Keiko
February 26th, 2009, 10:31 AM
I can actually picture this as a manga/anime ^_^

ThisOne
February 26th, 2009, 11:17 AM
*signed* Approved for greatness =)
d^_^b
This is great stuff i look forward to more
and lol @yoshi
"I told you not to call yourselves that"
but add a *facepalm* and that would be perfect =3

Monkmaster79
February 26th, 2009, 12:12 PM
Ahaha awesome story shoe. I look forward to the next chapter. X3

Llami
February 26th, 2009, 02:07 PM
whoo!
a MLV fan fic?!
i love it!

Combat Draganiac
February 26th, 2009, 02:39 PM
So poorly written, yet so entertaining.

BAH i agree with the poorly written part i'm a writer and I know a good written story and this is terrible mine are much better
and another thing schoolgirl alchemists terrible BAH I already have a like 6 page story written in an RF world so mine is filled with more action and don't respond to this cause you don't want to escalate do and I will write a story sooooooo awesome you'll be sitting there with your jaw dropping

Shoe
February 26th, 2009, 02:53 PM
Chapter two is up!

No one really cares what you think combat, hey at least you're enjoying my story right?

Grognor
February 26th, 2009, 03:07 PM
Hold on.

My name is just Grognor. Halcyote was a temporary name for my pirate retirement. It is not a first/last name.

And second, why would I send a package to MLV, then say it MUST NOT MAKE IT TO MLV? Logic Fail!

Third! I would never, ever, ever be anywhere near Taurus temple.

Fix those things.

Shoe
February 26th, 2009, 03:09 PM
Hold on.

My name is just Grognor. Halcyote was a temporary name for my pirate retirement. It is not a first/last name.

And second, why would I send a package to MLV, then say it MUST NOT MAKE IT TO MLV? Logic Fail!

Third! I would never, ever, ever be anywhere near Taurus temple.

Fix those things.

You misundastood me now! You're a pirate Grog, you have a crew to deliver stuff while you sit in your quarters drinking rum. Second, your character wants MLV to recieve the package, it was simply stolen by some asshole...

And it's the alchemists who don't want the package to make it to MLV

Keiko
February 26th, 2009, 03:43 PM
After scaling some steps, and some more steps, and more, MOAR STEPZ

That just made me giggle ^_^

Chapter two is up!

You said that last post! D:

TonyJaa
February 26th, 2009, 04:21 PM
BAH i agree with the poorly written part i'm a writer and I know a good written story and this is terrible mine are much better
and another thing schoolgirl alchemists terrible BAH I already have a like 6 page story written in an RF world so mine is filled with more action and don't respond to this cause you don't want to escalate do and I will write a story sooooooo awesome you'll be sitting there with your jaw dropping

Your grammar is part of your writing style....

If your grammar made my jaw drop, I can't wait til I see the whole "sooooooo awesome" 6 pages of your story.

Shoe
February 26th, 2009, 06:22 PM
You said that last post! D:


That post was supposed to say Chapter 1 :awwwwww:

Charuen
February 26th, 2009, 08:42 PM
Go Shoe GO.

*cheer cheer*

Oblivion
February 26th, 2009, 08:49 PM
BAH i agree with the poorly written part i'm a writer and I know a good written story and this is terrible mine are much better
and another thing schoolgirl alchemists terrible BAH I already have a like 6 page story written in an RF world so mine is filled with more action and don't respond to this cause you don't want to escalate do and I will write a story sooooooo awesome you'll be sitting there with your jaw dropping

Now now, don't type like that. It won't make you that many friends.


If you simply want attention like Shoe, post your story up.

Your criticism is a bit rude though, I advise you to be a little nicer next time.


Anyways, I haven't read the next two chapters, but I can tell it's pretty good.
Keep em coming!

KruSuPhy
February 26th, 2009, 09:05 PM
Where the hell Am i?
Put me in, damnit!

ThisOne
February 26th, 2009, 09:48 PM
BAH i agree with the poorly written part i'm a writer and I know a good written story and this is terrible mine are much better
and another thing schoolgirl alchemists terrible BAH I already have a like 6 page story written in an RF world so mine is filled with more action and don't respond to this cause you don't want to escalate do and I will write a story sooooooo awesome you'll be sitting there with your jaw dropping

*points at combat*
Hey you.......
Shut up.....
This is good stuff and your apparent lack of grammar skills shows your not much of a writer...
I type with crappy grammar and spelling to save time and i dont have the patience to fix everything......
You being a "writer" should do that more than me.....
Dont try and be all" well you type with crappy grammar"
cuz i know....i do it on purpose =)

So to wrap it up......read it, enjoy it, and shut up =)


Oh @ Shoe
"The Schoolgirl Alchemists" Is my favorite part so far lol
I love the story so far and cant wait to see more =)

Shoe
February 28th, 2009, 06:03 PM
Enter Kotsu and LJ!

Keiko
February 28th, 2009, 06:16 PM
Ooh, fight scene coming up.

Asterio
February 28th, 2009, 06:32 PM
Highly amusing.

I DEMAND MOAR

Komos
February 28th, 2009, 06:44 PM
"Cause you my hoe"
That's awesome.

Also, if I pimp smacked the bitch, I'd be elem. But I used Xero Discus. Class fail.

Shoe
February 28th, 2009, 09:06 PM
Im intending on having some character be a mix of two classes ;o

iTrippin
March 1st, 2009, 05:15 PM
StoryProbably going to say the same thing you said to Combat,
Anyways to the point, Good Job I like the story its interesting makes me keep coming back for more. On that note how do you keep coming up with ideas, i bet you if this was a book it would sell Good Job make more.:smilebig:

Combat Draganiac
March 2nd, 2009, 02:57 PM
i will now take action so you guys think i'm a joke when it somes to storys but i 'll show you time for REVENGEare you scared

Shoe
March 2nd, 2009, 03:34 PM
Stop shit posting in my thread

dantemirror
March 2nd, 2009, 06:06 PM
I like your writing style shoe, is very much simplistic and to the point, kinda like the writen version of a comic.

Very entretaining, I will keep checking it from time to time :trippin:

PD: WTF is the problem with you combat? if you dont like the story or the writing just dont post in here, keep it 4 yourself...
(have nothing good to say? dont say SH!T then)

Shoe
March 4th, 2009, 12:49 PM
Chapter 4 is up. Ha Ha!

Keiko
March 4th, 2009, 03:38 PM
Whoo! The brawl's turnin' up the heat in here!

EDIT: I just noticed. If I were to use Knight Blade inf stead of Fire Charger, that last scene would be an Elric Bros. moment except, Nee-san and I are girls. 8P

Llami
March 4th, 2009, 03:53 PM
i enjoy how i entered and accidentally beat everyone up
:D
I'm looking forward to more!

dantemirror
March 4th, 2009, 04:16 PM
i enjoy how i entered and accidentally beat everyone up
:D
I'm looking forward to more!

Well I can see shoe point in that one, how many times a meddling player has edged 2 or 3 fighters that were focused fighint some1 else and didnt put attention to their backs?

That just owns (of course if you got edged u will be cursing the soul of the edger for centuries to come XD )

Keiko
March 4th, 2009, 06:53 PM
Btw, rule of thumb:

“Dayum foo I was typin’!”
“lol Llami you’re gonna use that?”

Those lines are UNACCEPTABLE when writing a story. Why?

Line 1 is too literal into the game. Realism is nice!
Line 2...internet speak? BIG NO-NO!

I don't know about you, but I'm just nitpicky with storywriting @_x

SilentZen
March 23rd, 2009, 05:29 AM
BAH i agree with the poorly written part i'm a writer and I know a good written story and this is terrible mine are much better
and another thing schoolgirl alchemists terrible BAH I already have a like 6 page story written in an RF world so mine is filled with more action and don't respond to this cause you don't want to escalate do and I will write a story sooooooo awesome you'll be sitting there with your jaw dropping

Mean.............................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ............................................Be nice next time

Mosley
March 24th, 2009, 02:24 AM
All I have to say is I LOVE the dialogue you wrote me.

Awesome Shoe, Fucking awesome.